Hippies and aliens!

Otherwise known as ... avoid the brownies

They're Hicks! And other Randomness

Seeing one of the locations a visitor to my blog came here from made me think of one of my favorite lines from one of my favorite movies.

Yes! How funny, Hicksville! It is funny to me because of one of my favorite scenes from Groundhog Day.

Rita: They sing songs until they get too cold, and then they go sit by the fire and they get warm. ...

Phil Connors:"Yeah, they're hicks Rita." ...

LOLZ! 

A Hobo is stealing my waffles!

Random Crap... in blue and red

Um Yeah... that JUST happened! (click to view the madness larger!)
Gotta love the little girl comics!

Headaches BLOW!!!

A visual essay on the pain of headaches... (click the drawing if you want to see my pain larger!)

Some of the funnest things i have ever read...and some of the dumbest

Some of the funnest things i have ever read...and some of the dumbest:

When people say, "I’m so tired it's not even funny" or "my head hurts so much it's not even funny", why would it even be funny in the first place?
Do stairs go up or down?
Why is there a top line on lined paper if we never use it?
Do coffins have lifetime guarantees?
Why do the numbers on phones go down while the numbers on calculators go up?
If Hooters were to become a door-to-door service would they have to change
their name to Knockers?

*Why is most lunch meat bigger than the bread?

*Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio? Why is it when a door is open it's ajar, but when a jar is open it's not adoor?

*If the sky is the limit, then what is space, over the limit?

*Are children who act in rated 'R' movies allowed to see them?

*Can you make a candle out of your earwax?

*When French people swear do they say pardon my English?

*Aren't the 'good things that come to those who wait' just the leftovers from the people that got there first?

*If the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later?

*Can a fire truck park in the fire lane?

*Can it be cloudy and foggy at the same time?

*"Cute as a button" Is that supposed to be a compliment? Since when are buttons cute?

*Can you breathe out of your nose and mouth at the same time?

*Are marbles made of marble?

*Why does the last piece of ice always stick to the bottom of the cup?

*If you pay for a vacation and your plane crashes on the way there, do you get you money back? (Granted you lived)

*Why did Yankee Doodle name the feather in his hat Macaroni?

*Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?

*Who was the first person to say, "See that chicken over there ... I'm gonna eat the first thing that comes out if its butt"?

*Isn't Disney World just a people trap operated by a mouse?

*If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?

*Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet soup?

*Can you get cornered in a round room?

*Why do we wash behind our ears? Who really looks there?

*Why don't the hairs on your arms get split ends?

*If an atheist has to go to court, do they make him swear on the Bible?

*Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but its ok to use a handicapped toilet?

*In that song, she'll be coming around the mountain, who is she?

*How come we say 'It's colder than hell outside' when isn't it realistically always colder than hell since hell is supposed to be fire and brimstone?

*Why is it that if something says, "do not eat" on the packaging it becomes extra tempting to eat?

*Why are people so scared of mice, yet we all love Mickey Mouse?

*Wouldn't it be smart to make the sticky stuff on envelopes taste like chocolate?

*Why are the commercials for cable companies on cable but not on regular television? Don't they want the people without cable to buy the cable?

*"Have you ever noticed that if you rearranged the letters in mother in law, they come out to Woman Hitler?"

*Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning 'many' in Latin, and 'tics' as in 'bloodsucking creatures’?

*Why is it that when things get wet they get darker, even though water is clear??

*Why is it that when you get out of a swimming pool, your urine is hotter when you use the restroom?

*What happens if you put this side up face down while popping microwave popcorn?

*Why is chopsticks one of the easiest songs to play on the piano, but the hardest thing to eat with?

*How come you play at a recital, but recite at a play?

*If a fork were made of gold would it still be considered silverware?

*If heat rises, then shouldn't hell be cold?

*Why is there that little space inside strawberries, as if it was meant for a pit, and then the seeds are on the outside?

*Why isn't chocolate considered a vegetable, if chocolate comes from cocoa
beans, and all beans are a vegetable?

*Do they have girl’s bathrooms in gay bars?

*Why is toilet bowl cleaning liquid only blue?

*Why is it when we talk to God we are praying, but when God talks to us we are put into the loony bin?

*Why do you go “back and forth” to town if you really must go forth before you go back?

*Why doos shaped macaroni taste better than the normal kind?

*Why is vanilla ice cream white when vanilla extract is brown?

*Why can't you get a tan on your palms?

*If your sick for one week and on one of those days they had to cancel school because of snow, do you have to make up that day in June?

*Why do dogs sniff other dog’s bottoms to say hello, why don’t they just bark in their face or something?

*Why do companies offer you "free gifts?" Since when has a gift NOT been
free?

*If something "goes without saying," why do people still say it?

*You know the expression, "Don't quit your day job?" Well what do you say to
people that work nights?

*Why do you get in trouble for blocking an exit when you're standing in the doorway? In case of an emergency, wouldn't you run out, too, therefore NOT blocking the exit?

*Why is it when some products you have to turn it upside down to read the directions, and the directions say do not turn upside down?

*Why is a square meal served on round plates?

*Why is the 0 on a phone after 1 and not before 1?

*Which way does a compass point in space?

*Why are people allowed to put naked statues outside but why can't we run outside naked?

*Why do all superheroes wear spandex?

*If mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes?

*Why did Mary own a little lamb?

*If a missing person sees their picture on a milk carton that offers a reward, would they get the money?

*Why can’t a baby cry while it’s inside its mother?

*If the president were gay, would his husband be the first man?

*If you were a genie and a person asked you this wish, "I wish you would not grant me this wish" what would you do?

*Why are Pringles curved?

*What happens if your snot freezes in your nose?

*Why aren't safety pins as safe as they say they are?

*If overalls are held up by the snaps at the top, then why do they have belt loops?

*Why is it that its good to score under par in golf but its bad to be “under par” in any thing else?

*Is Jerry Garcia grateful to be dead?

*Why do people say, "You can't have your cake and eat it too"? Why would someone get cake if they can't eat it?

*Can bald men get lice??

*How come popcorn isn't a vegetable?

*Do movie producers still say lights, camera, and action when it is a dark scene?

*Did Noah have woodpeckers on the ark? If he did, where did he keep them?

*Why is Charlie short for Charles if they are both the same number of letters?

*Why is snow white and ice clear? Aren't they just different forms of water?

*Why do they put the names of football teams on baseball caps?

*If I had my legs amputated, would I have to change my height and weight on my driver's license?

*How come you pay an extra 25 cents to get something put on your hamburger but they don't take off the price if you get something taken off?

*Can you get cornered in a round room?

*Why do we wash behind our ears? Who really looks there?

*Why don't the hairs on your arms get split ends?

*If an atheist has to go to court, do they make him swear on the Bible?

*Why is it illegal to park in a handicapped parking space but its ok to use a handicapped toilet?

*In that song, she'll be coming around the mountain, who is she?

*"How come we say 'It's colder than hell outside' when isn't it realistically always colder than hell since hell is supposed to be fire and brimstone?"

*Why is it that if something says, "do not eat" on the packaging it becomes extra tempting to eat?

*If you were under house arrest and you lived in a mobile home, wouldn’t you be able to go anywhere you want?

I hope u like this. =]

Peaches has two moms so what????

Yes i do have two mom's. So if you have a problem with that you can just take a long walk off a short pier. So logically I am big on the whole equal rights thing.
So we just moved from the west coast to the east coast, and it seems to me that people on the west coast are a little bit more open about people being gay, lesbian, or bi-sexual. So far, being back east I have had two very strange convo's with people.

CONVO # 1: ( My step- mom Joyce is on the phone with people from the school district.)

" Yes hello i would like to enroll my kids in school." -Joyce
" What are your kids names?" -Mean school lady
"Peaches and Stooge. Peaches will be 10th and Stooge will be 8th." -Joyce
" Well it shows here that there legal parent is Shirley." -Mean school lady
" Yes, and I'm there step-mom." -Joyce
" Oh. And how does that work? Who do they reside with?" -Mean school lady
" Both of us." -Joyce
" At 108 blueberry lane ( Yes right next to the muffin man.)" -Mean school lady
" Yes that is correct." -Joyce
"Oh well..... ummm uh ok...... let me uh get a packet out to you." -Mean school lady

And then the biznitch scheduled us 2 weeks later.

CONVO # 2: (Me talking to my English teacher. Mrs. Blondie Blond) Now for this story to make sense for you guys you will need to know all the info. that was on the paper........well not all but just some. Like how it has the same house phone number and same address for both my mom and step-mom.

" OH uh Mrs. Blondie Blond i have all my student info. forms for you." -Peaches
"Oh thank you." - Mrs. Blondie Blond
" Yup you welcome." -Peaches
" Oh it says here that your step-mom is in the area.'' -Mrs Blondie Blond
''...................Yeah." ( Giving her a questioning look.) -Peaches
" Does she live pretty close?" -Mrs Blondie Blond
'' Yeah I'd say so." -Peaches
" Well thats nice that she can live so close and they can get along." -Mrs Blondie Blond
'' Yeah.................'' -Peaches ( And the whole time this convo was going on i was thinking to myself is this lady for real? Did she even read the papers?)

Wounder how long it will take her to figure it out? Maybe I should make a poll about it... (check the side-bar)

Stuck in a rut filled with cement!!

So I'm kinda stuck on what else to put on my blog. i know i want to keep putting sad gross stories up but I'm running out of them.... well actually I'm out of them, and i want to keep putting up my little stick figure like girls but I'm running out of ideas for them too. So what I've decided to do is have you (the people who come and view random crap) to send me ideas of what to draw with my little stick figure girls. and some of your own sad gross stories. You know what they don't even have to be sad they can just be gross or they can just be funny or whatever you like. So here's what i need you to do:

1. Step 1: Email me at peachesrandomcrap@gmail.com
2. Step 2: Tell me you idea for one of my little girl comics. Or your story...
3. Step 3: Now if you send me a story you would like me to post i will need all of the details to make the story hilarious. Also if you like your name to be said in the post let me know. Also if you don't want your name in the post. This also works if this is someone close to you and they don"t want there name said in the post. I will do the whole *the names in this post have been changed to keep them safe from all those crazy people out there* you know something like that.
4. Step 4: If you send me a comic idea and you want your name to be on it somewhere you know like * this comic was inspired by.......* you know that old chestnut.

Now I'd like to thank you for your time. Ha ha just kidding! But not really!!!!

Math...... Sucks!

Okay so here is my deal with math. why do we have to learn all of this dumb math stuff when we will probably never use it again. i mean really? My mind is pretty much made up of what i want to be and I'm not gonna need to know how to do factoring of a trinomial. Plus i suck at math as it is. So now down to the real reason why I'm writing this post. i went online today to try and find a website that could explane my math a little bit better, and you know what.............? They all SUCK!!!!!! Non of them helped me at all. The one that looked like it might be good totally sucked. It looked like what i was doing but when it did the whole problem out it was way diffrent then the answe i got and i know mine was right beacuse i looked in the back of the book. Yeah thats right i looked in the back of the book so what. But in the back of the book it just tells you the answer it doesnt show you how to do it. It's really annoying.

Playoff game day sad gross story!

Go Patriots!!! Anyway...Teehee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


So ummmm... when i was in like 7th grade we watched a movie on a man who was a football player. He played for a season and on the last game he hurt his ankle well he didn't think much about it. He got some pain meds. and went back in the game. Well it turned out that he broke his ankle, it swelled really bad. So they took him to the doctor but the swelling was so bad that they couldn't do anything with it so they went into surgery and tried to fix it that why but in the end they had to amputate it.


Any who... that's it.

Attack of the Paper Heads! CONTEST!

OK Random Crap readers... It is the attack of the paper heads!!
Now, here is where I need your help!
I need you to write a caption for this picture... make it funny... keep it clean... and the WINNER will get a funny picture of themselves (that you send to me) posted right here on Random Crap!
Let the captions begin!!! Enter your captions in the comments section (you can enter more than once)!! :)



humor

teens

Sad Gross story

O.k. so here is a sad gross story. So there's these 2 teens and they were rooming together and where they live its really cold. So one of them goes shopping we will call him... Beavis. So Beavis goes shoppin and the other kid lets call him.... Butthead. So Butthead stays home and so he's still cold even with the heat on so he goes to the microwave and there's is broken so they can leave the door open and have it on at the same time.
So Butthead sits in tront of it and turns it. So when Beavis gets home he goes into the kitchen and see's Butthead there in the chair fryed like a chicken. How sad Poor Beavis. :] i mean Poor Beavis :[

humor

teens

My first 1000 hits!

Oh yeh!! Random Crap celebrating hurdling over the first 1000 visitors!
Thanks for checkin' out my blog!

More random crap soon!

humor

teens

Go trees go hippies: an original cartoon

(Click to see it larger)...
OK... so you all remember that I love trees and hippies... check it...

humor

teens

Do you like Puppies?!

OK, so there was this old lady and she gave her dogs a bath well her puppies.
So she gives them a bath--then she is trying to find a way to dry them off so she puts them in the microwave.
So... i don't think i have to tell you what happened after she turned it on. Do I?

humor

teens

Peaches as an avatar!!

Party Harty then go hardcore skiing. (not a good idea) Sad gross Story 3

Ok so there were these 2 guys they had a really big party the night before so the next day they decided they wanted to go skiing the next day. So ya know they are a little hung over so ya know they had the craps. So they go skiing so they are really hardcore skiers so they are going off jumps, the one guy goes off a jump and he biffs it. im pretty sure you know where this is going... So he biffs it and, there's no good way of putting this... he craps his pants! Can you imagine? how embarrassing. Well thats the sad gross story i hope you like it.


humor

teens

A little diddy on StickyKeys.

OK so while i was getting ready to write this post i clicked the shift key 5 times and this stupid thing popped up i was thinking to my self "great i broke it." So i read it and you know, you get all of the choices like OK or CANCEL or, well you know, so i read it. It says "to keep StickyKeys on click OK" or "to cancel StickyKeys click CANCEL." I get done reading it and I'm like "ya-think?!" Who ever put that StickyKeys thing together they are dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb! you would probably think to press OK to keep and CANCEL to get rid of you would think right.

humor

teens

HAVE A HAPPY PERIOD!!! ( READ IT )

Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the LeakGuard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills.' Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying, jags, and out-of-control behavior. You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy wa s written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants.. Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

Are you fu*ing kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull sh*t. And that's a promise I will keep. Always.

Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX
humor

teens

Last Basketball game!!!

OK so at our last basketball game last night there was a girl on there team who didn't shave her pits.Thats really really gross now if its some religion thing whatever you keep that to yourself, but of all sports to play basketball come on. O and thats not the worst part it gets really gross so i'm down there playing defense no one else is down there yet so she goes up for a lay up, and i get her pit hair all over my face.


As a side note we had a girl on our team who didn't wear deodorant during the games she said it made the other team not come near her. if i was the other team and i saw her walking into the gym that would be enough for me not to go near her.(and her little step brother is a devil).
humor

teens